Indeed, I am a recovering clothing shopaholic. Perhaps you think clothing shopaholics are simply women who can’t control their urge to spend money on clothes. But that really isn’t what the dependancy is all about. There is a big misconception regarding clothes shopping addiction. So I am going to let you in on the truth about it and tell you all about the secret imagination life of the women who have it. You see, all female clothing shopaholics have one thing in common:
WE CRAVE FLATTERY, ENVY, AND COMPLIMENTS ON THIS APPEARANCE EVERY DAY OF OUR LIFE.
When we get a compliment or an appreciating stare on the way we look, we feel great. And here is another truth about our addiction: we all possess a “female appraiser”. A “female appraiser” is the female in our life that we constantly imagine envying us and complimenting us when we try on new clothing. She is the one we always use new outfits in front of to get appraisal and compliments about how we seem. She is the one who notices every single new pair of shoes, every new piece of jewelry, whether our hair looks particularly healthy and attractive that day, and every new item of clothing we are wearing to the tiniest degree. She dissects us physically; she is our lifeblood to feeling we exist; by noticing all of us, envying us and complimenting all of us; she makes us feel alive.
And we are her female appraiser as well. We notice every new item she wears and we remark about how good she looks too. We often envy her appearance and new outfits. Our relationship is the mutual symbiotic feeding of our vanity envy. Usually our female appraiser is our female mother, sister, friend or coworker who all of us subconsciously compete and look to get acceptance from about our appearance. We always try to upstage her in appearance and make her feel jealous of us; we always think about whether or not what we buy will make her covet how we look before we purchase it and when she sees a brand new outfit on us and we feel her envy (of course the ultimate high is when she asks us where we bought it) we have our ultimate addictive repair. We even watch how many people notice us more than her when the two of us walk together in public areas, to know that we are getting more attention than she is. Yes, it’s a good “envy/dislike/need of approval dynamic” we have with our female appraiser (or multiple female appraisers) on a complicated physical and emotional level.
When I was obviously a clothing shopaholic, I lived regarding clothes, they were my life passion. I actually still love clothes. But We are less in need of the power they give me to be noticed, admired, and envied. The need to shop for clothes and envision wearing them and getting compliments through women when I wear them has taken much less of a hold on me. But there is a time when shopping for clothes had been an essential part of my daily life because I lived for the attention plus praise those new outfits offered me. I would fantasize as I tried them on in the store and imagine getting envied by my female appraiser when I wore them. And once I purchased them, wearing them always produced me feel special and still living when I got that attention, envy and praise from my “female appraiser”. I always needed to wear something totally new to be noticed and that is why the cash was spent; to continually possess new clothes to wear so I would continually get compliments and be noticed. When I wore that outfit an additional time, it wasn’t new anymore and no compliments were given because they’d already been given when I wore it the first time. So that outfit did not assist its purpose any more for the addiction unless I wore this in front of a different female appraiser that never saw it before (sometimes I had 3 or more female appraisers in my life). On the days I wore an outfit that I received no attention about, I actually experienced invisible and depressed. Sometimes simply thinking about another new outfit I might wear the next day and how good I had created look and how envied I’d be was all I thought about upon those depressing days. It was the only thing that kept me going; imaging that outfit in my closet and the power it would give me to be noticed and complimented.. I’d fantasize about the shoes and boots I’d wear with the outfit and how I’d match my eye darkness to it and the admiration I’d be getting. Because I always knew exactly what to purchase and wear that would make the female appraiser envious and desire she had my clothes and got the attention I was geting. And exactly what an euphoric high that would give me; even thinking about that happening.
Clothing shopaholics have an odd addiction due to the fact when you take away the women you feel aggressive with, the addiction loses the hold on you. That’s because the addiction is about fantasizing about being envied for how you look in clothes. Yet take away the female appraiser, and you terribly lack the envy and you lose the need to fantasize or shop for clothes.
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Naturally , eliminating female appraisers in your life is not easy. As long as you have a mother or even work in a corporate office, or have a female sibling you see, you will have a girl in your life assessing your appearance. Even if babysitting my friend’s 10 yr old daughter, she assessed my look by informing me my pants didn’t match my top; “the colors were off” she informed me. And here I thought I was free of that will kind of appraisal from children and could just “throw on sweats and any top. ” After all, why treatment what a 10 year old girl considers how I look when I’m babysitting her? But yes, her opinion did bother me, although I stood my ground and refused to change my clothes. Needless to say, she actually is a budding clothing shopaholic in the making.